How To Feel Alive
by branbridge
Summary: The war is lost and Luna decides to become the last hope for light. By using Hermione's modified time turner she is sent back nearly 50 years. She undertakes her self-imposed mission, to shows Tom Riddle that the world is still beautiful. (-(Whimsical Luna)-) RATED FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS
1. War

Next chapter will be Tom's perspective. ;;

**I'm trying something _way_ different for this story, so any advice will be amazing. **:)

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Luna's mom once told her that hope was abstract idea and could never be destroyed.

Clearly she had never been to war.

Tonight Luna didn't lose a vessel of hope, she, they all, lost hope itself.

Tonight the world's hope blew away on a green breeze.

Tonight Harry Potter died.

But when it happened Luna did not cry nor did she rush in to fight.

She never feared death and staring it in the face still didn't change that.

Death did not make her cower in fear; no, it just broke her heart.

She closed her eyes; she didn't want to see it.

It was sad.

Much too sad for trivial tears.

So, instead she listened.

A battle cry to her left.

She could hear the spells clashing against each other.

Cutting through the air, with a sickening TWACK.

Hitting against weaken shields, with a heart-stopping TLACK.

An inhuman voice, confident and dark, it melted into her being.

It overwhelmed Luna's senses.

She found herself drowning in a sea of temptation.

She picked up her wand and blindly aimed towards the voice.

This was her temptation, to kill a dark lord while he was preoccupied.

Could she kill someone? Hell, did she even want to?

She opened her eyes.

She couldn't possibly do that.

Explosions on her right, stones falling from the sky.

The wind was on fire; oh god, it hurt.

It hurt so much.

She couldn't stop it, she couldn't stop any of it.

The heat was unbearable.

She lowered her wand.

She wasn't a killer, she would never be one. Not for morality sake; no, it was because she could never hate anyone. Not even Voldemort.

She couldn't bring herself to hate the monster that haunted her friends' nightmares.

Was she really that pathetic?

THUMP.

The fight stopped for a fraction of a second.

The battle froze.

All eyes trained in.

Two leaders of opposite ends.

One finally dead and one standing silently over the body.

A body lay on the bloody stones.

Over him stood a white viper humanized.

Black hair lay on top of his pale head.

Spectacles lay shattered into pieces on the stones.

Leaving forest green eyes to never open again.

Luna stopped breathing.

The world stopped moving.

Their hope was snuffed out.

Harry was dead.

All around the battle resumed, but light's motivation lay dead on the ground.

Light would lose this war.

Even a blind man could see.

Luna snapped her eyes up to the sky.

Even with all this bloodshed the clouds were still there.

The sun was setting.

There was fire all around, creatures tearing apart teenagers, explosions and death.

All this and the sun would still set.

Was hope really lost?

"YOU BASTARDS"

Luna's musing was broken, her focus back on the carnage.

Ronald Weasley was rushing a group of Death Eaters, death written in his features.

He was slain by an unnamed Death Eater.

While, Hermione started to use the death curse instead of her stunners.

She was killed by Bellatrix's wand.

Neville, Minerva, Dean and Seamus burned.

Remus was tore apart by Greyback.

Tonks ran to his side, she was mauled by her husband's killer.

The Weasley twins were hit with curses seconds apart.

They died looking at each other.

It took all of eight minutes.

Eight horrible minutes where Luna's world turned upside down.

Is the hope really that breakable?

She had to trust her mother's words.

Maybe after Luna died, maybe, light would rise again in the shadows.

How ironic.

Maybe Luna should take the future into her own hands.

_"Awful things happen to wizards who've meddled with time."_

No, Luna should take the_ past _into her own hands.

She stepped forward.

No one stopped her.

No one saw her.

She approached Hermione's body and tugged on her girl's shirt.

Exposed to the world was the bushy headed witch's time turner.

Luna no longer cared about what awful things may happen.

The awful things this dead witch warned her of.

It'd only be ten minutes.

That's all she needed back.

Ten minutes.

She pulled the necklace off her dead friend, her hands strangely steady.

One twist.

Two twists.

Three twists.

"OY, there's one here."

Five twists.

"Stupid bitch, are you crying over the fucking mudblood?"

Eight twists.

"Fuck, its Loony Lovegood."

Ten twists.

Luna looked up and smiled.

Blue met Red across the field.

Voldemort raised his wand and aimed.

Too late.

One tug.

Everything shattered.


	2. Memory Charms

I had trouble with this chapter. I know what I want to do with this story, but the real question is _how._

**I wanted to just drop her into the great hall or something, but I wanted something more unique(?) compared to other time-turner stories.**

Also, sorry for my English... It's not my first language, but I'm learning. :)

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**_Please_ take time to review.**

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Tom hated the cold.

It reminded him of the orphanage, where he would huddle with a thin piece of fleece to hold out the cold.

However, Tom's hatred of the drop in temperature did not excuse him from his Head Boy duties.

The very duties that had him walking the halls of the castle searching for students out past curfew.

He gradually made his way around the castle until he made it to the astronomy tower.

For the first time tonight he catches someone out and about.

He frowned.

She was ethereal.

She reminded him of an angel, or she would if he believed in celestial beings, or the concept of heaven and hell.

He doesn't.

Believe that is.

He hasn't believed in such things in a long time.

A _very_ long time.

Her wavy hair was too blonde; it looked like snow in contrast with the night sky.

He hated snow, but he didn't mind her hair… it was pretty?

His frown deepened as he took in the rest of her features.

Her eyes too wide and her eyelashes too long, the contours of her faces smooth and delicate, her lips pink and slightly chapped from the wind.

He's never seen her before.

Is she a student?

Not likely.

Maybe a ghost?

She's watching the stars from the astronomy tower's balcony.

She doesn't belong, Tom can tell.

She looks a million miles away.

Why did she look like that?

So content and so lost.

So confusing.

Tom hates being confused.

He cleared his throat.

She didn't notice.

"Excuse me miss, but who might you be?"

No reply.

"Miss?"

Still no reply.

Tom stepped towards her.

"Excuse me miss?"

She looked up.

Her eyes bluer than a cloudless day.

She smiled serenely, "Hello."

Tom narrowed his eyes, "Who are you?"

She tilted her head and shrugged, "A better question is when am I?"

"Pardon?"

"I think I got lost in time." She looked explained, "Too many turns, not enough forethought, no, I was much too emotional for such things."

Tom frowned in uncertainty, "Who are you?"

"Luna."

"Why are you here, _Luna_?"

She blinked.

Once.

Twice

Three times.

She looked thoughtful.

She turns back to the sky, "A mistake… probably."

Tom paused.

Is she deliberately avoiding the question?

What is she hiding?

"Why are you afraid of death?"

Her voce cut him out of his musings.

"What?" He asks, his brow furrowed, he was sure she misheard her.

She ignored his question and reasked her question again.

"Why are you afraid of death?"

Tom fingered his wand; he was prepared to strike her down if necessary.

He decided to indulge this beautiful stranger.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Lots of reasons, but why do you?"

"Death is nothingness, black and void. A pointless escape, it's for the weak."

She cocked her head to the side and regarded him with a tranquil expression.

"That sounds like a fear of being alone rather than death itself."

Before he could reply she continued.

"Immortality sounds sad and lonely.

Eternity is what you should fear, not death."

"What, pray tell, do you mean?"

"Watching everyone you love die… is very heart breaking."

She paused for a moment.

She asked him, "Why would you wish that upon yourself?"

Tom's reply came quickly and clipped.

"Love is weakness, I have no weakness."

She frowned for the first time during their exchange.

She mumbled in her airy voice, "No wonder you can't be broken. You've been living in nothing but shards for years."

He saw red.

Tom pulled out his wand and pointed at the witch.

She looked at him with her wide dream-like eyes.

He saw confusion in her eyes, but it quickly turned into calm understanding.

"When I was younger my mother died also."

Confusion.

Why did she say that?

He has a wand pointed at her.

Why?

He pushed his wand into the skin of her neck.

She regarded him with her clear eyes.

"What will you do?"

"Kill you."

"I see."

"Don't you get it?"

"Get what?"

" I'm about to kill you.

You're about to die."

She simply smiled at him.

Her eyes bore into his.

He fought the urge to look away.

"Why Tom," Her voice was clear and air like, it was mocking him, he was sure, "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Something snapped.

Who the hell was she?

Who did she _think _she was?

Who?

She hadn't pulled out her wand yet.

He smirked.

Control would always be his.

She didn't have a wand.

Defenseless.

Good.

"If you're not afraid of death, perhaps pain is different."

She cocked her head slightly to her left.

"I'm not afraid of pain; I just don't particularly like it."

He lowered his wand for a fraction of a second, giving Luna enough time to pull out her own from her pocket.

She pointed it at him with a grimace.

"I'm sorry, Tom."

Wait.

How did she know his name?

He went to bring back up his wand but it was too late.

"_Obliviate_"


	3. An Odd Happening

It was a peculiar happening.

He had not felt a break in his wards.

So a humanoid figure lounging in a chair across from his table had come as a surprise to the middle-aged wizard.

Very peculiar, indeed.

A wisp of a girl had found her way into Dumbledore's _warded _office.

Curtains of platinum hair tumbled over the back of her chair.

Her focus on a speck of apparent nothingness.

Airy voice talking to a seemingly invisible creature.

"That's not very nice; Dumbledore wouldn't appreciate you messing with his research."

She paused.

"While I agree with your assessment, it's very rude."

Dumbledore walked over to his chair.

She was too deep in her conversation to notice.

"Miss?"

Her head shot over to where the wizard had chosen to sit.

"Oh, you're finally here."

"Who might you be?"

"I'm Luna…"

She trailed off.

"You seem to have a nargle infestation in this room; no doubt they're attracted to your intelligence, sir. You can get rid of them by simply growing Turnips in your window sill."

The wizard chuckled.

He allowed her a moment to gather herself, which she didn't.

She simply looked dreamily at his desk.

Her wide eyes locked on,_ 'A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration'_

"You teach Transfiguration now, Sir?"

"Yes."

Blue met blue as their eyes collided.

"If you would be so kind to explain why you are here, or will you allow me to venture a guess?"

"No, that won't be necessary; I'm from the future—about fifty years into the future, actually."

"I thought as much, Miss?"

"Lovegood."

"Will you tell me how you came to find yourself in this time?"

"I suppose I should start at the beginning."

"That would be for the best."

So she started at the beginning, at least her beginning.

She started when Harry won the tournament.

She moved on to their first meeting and how she got drawn into his world.

She mentioned the D.A., Umbridge's defeat, about her capture, Hermione's screams and finally the battle.

She continued the story calmly, with a smile on her face.

She explained fiery air and how it burned her senses.

Terrified faces of her old classmates, especially Draco Malfoy's, when they saw Hermione killed and their old professors burned alive.

She vaguely mentioned the tears Molly Weasley's shed as she saw her children fall and how she turned and cursed Bellatrix with all her power.

She told him about the sun setting.

How she limped through carnage to get the time turner.

About the red and blue clashing on the battle field as she twisted the mechanism.

She recounted the raised yew wand and outrage on his inhuman face before time shattered.

And finally detailed the conversation she had with Tom.

Her explanation, aside from two times where Luna got off topic, went on without issue.

"Well, Miss Lovegood, we could go about this several ways… you could attend school here, you could work under me as an aide or we can send you to stay at my home until we send you back."

Luna cocked her head to the side.

"I'm afraid that I have no plans on going back."

"Pardon?"

"You know as well as me, that he needs to be stopped."

"Are you suggesting risking the timeline?"

"Perhaps, but I think it's worth it."

A tense pause.

"Are you planning on killing him?"

She quickly shook her head, her hair moving with her.

"No, more violence is never the answer."

"You want to save him?"

"Ah, yes."

"And what if he refuses to be saved."

Luna frowned.

"He doesn't have a lot of choice in the matter."

Dumbledore paused.

"I see, however, I don't think it wise for you to be exposed to him. I'm positive he's killed already."

"Oh yes, you're right, he has killed two or three times already."

She looked thoughtful before continuing.

"Sir, monsters are made, not born. He's still a child and not a monster."

The wizard's eyes sparkled.

Innocent to a fault, that's what this witch is.

But accepting.

And so very self-aware.

She would be the one to fix Thomas.

But Dumbledore already knew that.

He could tell by her wand.

A thin dark brown number with moons and stars carved into the handle.

Black Walnut, a wood that would only choose a master with great instincts and insight.

Only someone who was self-aware and not prone to self conflict could wield such a wood.

He had sensed the core from across the room, abnormally potent in its rarity.

Ivory Bush Coral.

As hard as it was to find in the muggle world it was ten times so in the wizard world.

Much like equally rare Thestral hair, Ivory Bush Coral was _very_ a powerful core.

However, anyone would be hard-pressed to seduce her to the dark-side.

Her wand would not allow such a thing.

Coral is too pure of a substance.

Much like its wielder.

A moment of pause.

"Yes, but there is _some_ chance he is already past that point, what will you do then."

"My Time Turner isn't broken I can go further back, I'll save him as a child if necessary."

Another pause.

"I wish you luck."

Her face softened.

"Thank you."

"I'll talk to Dippet about what would be appropriate for you to do."

Dumbledore stood up and went to walk out the door.

He paused momentarily when he heard her airy voice.

It carried like a light spring breeze.

He almost didn't hear.

"I told you the headmaster was a kind man."


	4. Daisies and Forget-Me-Nots

**A big thank you to AvalonTheLadyKiller for reviewing this story and giving my ideas.**

I was tempted to make her a student, but I felt like there were too many stories like that and I liked the idea of her comforting students. ;;;;

Also, I am thinking about having her sent back even further in time a few times if this way doesn't pan out. lD

**Like always: Please review. :)**

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The doors to the Great Hall slammed shut.

All breakfast chatter slowly came to a halt.

A young woman stood in front of the shut doors.

She was bizarrely attractive in her oddity.

Long tufts of light blonde hair, in which weaved daisies and forget-me-nots had been positioned, cascaded down her back in long soft waves.

Her luminescent tresses set a stark contrast to the dark brown wand, which she had tucked behind her ear.

Splotches of pale pastel coloured paint stuck onto the floral print of her skirt that lay slightly above her knee.

Her deep purple ruffled top and a frilly pink bolero jacket stood out boldly in comparison to her pale skin.

However, regardless of how mix-matched her outfit was it seemed to fit her in some unusual sort of way.

Click.

Clank.

Click.

Clank.

Red polka dot kitten heels tapped against the stone floor as she made her way to the head table.

Tiny bells were loosely attached to the sides of her shoes.

They made tiny melodic sounds with every step she took.

Champagne hair swayed as she quietly hummed.

She was like a walking music box- a mixture of heels softly hitting stone, bells and a gentle voice, that reminded him of his mother's lullabies.

The sound was strangely calming.

She made Leon Potter think of cotton candy and the fluffy familiars he saw in Diagon Alley every year.

He didn't _hate_ the combination.

He might even go as far as to say he legitimately enjoyed it.

His cheeks coloured at the thought.

He along with the rest of the hall, silently watched he sit down beside Dumbledore.

They talked for a few moments before Dumbledore motioned with his hand over the student body.

She nodded and motioned over them herself.

Slowly her head turned toward the Slytherin's table, giving Leon a chance to look at her hair.

It was the palest mane he had ever seen.

Well, aside from Malfoy's.

Wait, why was she looking over at the Slytherin's table anyway?

Did she know someone there?

She looked too nice to be related to any of them.

Maybe she's just looking over at the Ravenclaw's table…

A tap on his shoulder brought his attention from the new female.

The hand belonged to one Minerva McGonagall.

Minerva hissed out _the _question everyone else was wondering.

"Who is she?"

Leon fought the urge of pointing out that if she didn't know the mystery girl that neither would he.

The only thing that kept him from pointing this out was the fear of what Minerva may do to him.

Last time she had him belching bubbles for a week, a week he never wanted to repeat.

So he settled for rephrasing the question back at her.

"I don't know, Minny, shouldn't you have met her since you're head girl?"

She frowned.

"I've never seen her before."

Her irritation levels raised several levels and Leon scooted over a few inches.

Leon shrugged.

"Maybe she's new?"

Minerva narrowed her eyes at the Gryffindor seeker.

"No, I would have been introduced to her already if that was the case."

"You never know, maybe she just got here?"

Leon doubted the words that escaped his lips, but anything to calm down bloody McGonagall.

She was going to be the death of him.

Well, at least her tendency to hex him when angry would be.

He shook his head and turned to his head of house.

He caught the woman's eyes for a few seconds before she smiled at him or in his general direction.

Dippet hastily stood before the student's idly chatter could fully resume.

His nasally voice magically amplified.

"Hello, everyone.

As many of you may have noticed, there is a new addition to the head table. If you would be so kind to stand Ms Bellamy."

The girl sprung out of her seat with a dreamy expression.

Dippet nodded at her curtly and continued.

"This is Ms Luna Bellamy, we were quite lucky to be offered her services as what you may call a counselor. After the_ incident_ last year, it has come to my attention that you, as young people, need someone they can talk to about your problems.

You may go to her for academic and emotional troubles.

She is highly skilled in dueling, charms, care of magical creatures and non-verbal magic. She is extremely capable in all other subjects we offer at Hogwarts. So she will be able to help you with your academics without problem.

She is incredibly open minded and will listen to what you have to say, you will have full confidentiality in everything you tell her.

Regardless, of how you may feel about this at the moment I will require that everyone have at least one session with her per month, any extra sessions you schedule are up to you.

Her office is located in what was the muggle music classroom last year. Please see her during your free periods or after dinner to set up a time for your meeting."

Dippet sat down as quickly as he had stood.

Luna gave the student body a small dreamy smile before she sat in her seat once again.

Leon was contemplating the idea of visiting a stranger about his problems.

It didn't sit well in his stomach.

He quickly looked over at the head table and once again caught Luna's eye.

She stared at him for a moment before her entire face softened and she waved.

Leon's cheeks coloured slightly and he turned back to his food.

He decided to see her during his next free period.


	5. Lifeless Green

_The italic in this chapter is her singing. ;v;/_

Also, again thanks for the review/messages.

**Please review. :)**

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After breakfast Luna was banished to the classroom that she had turned into her office.

Her dull colourless office.

So, she decided to spice it up a bit.

In a effort to ease her emotions she decided to paint the ceiling, quite like she did in her bedroom in the future.

A bitter-sweet reminder to some.

A fundamentally commemoration project for her.

She softly sang as she painted.

Groups of children casting advanced charms, the Patronus Charms being the most common.

_She stops for coffee every morning, grabs the paper. _

_While she's yawning, wishing she was still in bed._

Long dark halls filled with prophecies and running children.

_But where does she go and who really knows._

_The girl deep inside? The one she always tries to hide._

She painted weddings, silver and golden dress robes, radishes and big black dogs.

_Julie, Julie don't you know, you're riding on a carousel_

Train rides, shackles, house elves, out stretched hands, swords and snakes.

_She wonders if she will ever arrive and maybe then._

_She can escape from all the loneliness she feels inside._

A young blonde girl kissing the nose of a Thestral.

_Don't ever be afraid to open up your eyes._

_So you can see tomorrow, let it go and you will fly away._

Finally her all friends around a dinner table.

Neville, Dean and Seamus were all towards the right side laughing.

Ginny and Hermione were eating with big smiles on their faces.

Ronald and Draco were glaring at each other, the corner of their lips quirked upwards.

Then, naturally, there was Harry.

Harry.

The boy who lived, at least tried to.

His life had Luna reconsidering what living truly was.

If Harry was any indicator- living was simply dying.

Luna considered this.

Pondered it, really, as she finished her painting.

With the help of magic and a bit of talent she had it done.

Three hours and a ruined shirt were a small price to pay.

Really it didn't measure up at all.

Luna was proud of her work.

She had the urge to reach out and stroke Harry's painted face.

Luna obliged herself.

She ran her fingers across the cold stone.

Nearly incoherent murmurs came from her mouth.

"Oedipus is almost at my gates."

She charmed the table she had heightened, to paint on, back to its original size.

Her bells jangled as she stepped off the normal sized table onto the hard floor.

She transfigured a handful of colourful arm chairs and two couches.

She magically moved them around her office.

Methodical madness, as Hermione once referred to her placement of furniture.

The book selves held old to somewhat newer books.

Which had been provided to her to help with her academic "coaching".

Alongside the tomes were untitled bound books.

Luna had found them in a hidden room of the library.

Dumbledore had allowed her to take them.

After he checked the contents of course.

He said something about coming helpful to the lost.

Nothing Luna hadn't already gathered from the condition of the volumes.

From ceiling she had suspendered, on silver thread, glass stars and other celestial bodies.

The lighting from the two windows in the room caused a reaction from the conjured glass.

Scattered rainbows.

Around the room.

Turning the room into a fairy-like escape.

Of sorts.

Low hanging wind chimes hang around the corners of the room.

Brass tubing and seashells.

She ran her hands against the mechanisms.

Soft tings and deep thongs.

She smiled and begun to twirl in her wonderland.

Bells resound off the walls.

She wishes for snow.

Snow would make this perfect.

It has been too long since she had danced in a soft snow fall.

Much too long.

Luna was too far gone to notice a door opening while she played with the wind chimes.

Her twirling had distracted her from hearing the subsequent closing of said door.

No, she was content in her man-made music box.

"Ahem."

The twirling slowed to a stop.

Wide eyes give the boy a quick once over before speaking.

"I've been expecting you, Thomas."

The teenage wizard tensed slightly.

"It is very odd that you know my name, Ms Bellamy."

"Is it?"

"Very."

She shrugged.

"Then perhaps it is."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Now Thomas when do you want to see me?"

Again an eyebrow was raised.

"I don't particularly want nor need to see you."

Luna shook her head.

Her wispy hair followed her movement.

"Want, no, but need, yes."

"Elaborate."

Luna smiled.

"First you must solve my riddle."

"Excuse me?"

Luna ignored his question and continued.

"How do you know you're alive?"

"Pardon?"

She tilted her head and repeated her question.

"How do you know you're alive?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"It's a riddle, Thomas."

"I see that, but why."

Luna ran her hand through the faux rainbows.

Tom stared at her for a few moments before sitting in a blue and yellow armchair.

"Who are you really?"

Luna cocked her head to the side and gazed at him.

"Luna, of course."

He narrowed her eyes.

Quickly he regained his charming demeanor.

He opened his mouth to speak.

Before any sound could leave his open orifice, Luna cut him off.

"How ugly."

He frowned in confusion.

"Pardon?"

"The fake face you have formed,"

Luna gestured over his body.

"Is very unpleasant, Thomas."

He looked at her with mock innocence.

"What do you mean?"

Luna shrugged.

"Do you really want to know who I am?"

Tom seemed to ponder this for a moment.

"Yes."

She smiled and with a genuine smile on her face replied.

"How nice."

She walked across the room.

A bounce in her step.

He hands ran across a book case.

She paused as she touched an older leather bound book.

She pulled it out.

Gliding back to where he was standing, she handed it to the boy.

Trademark serene smile playing on her lips.

"This will answer your questions if you look hard enough."

Tom slowly made his way out of her office.

When he finally left, Luna raised her head to the faux heavens.

She looked at Harry's smiling face.

He peered back at her.

A big grin played at her lips.

"I'm making progress, Harry."

She began to twirl.

Clear blue eyes never leaving Harry's painted green ones.


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